Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I am still here!!

I know it's been a long time since I have written in this blog!!  I am still here!!  For awhile I have wanted to give a baby update, but was a little scared to do so.  The closer my due date came, the more frightened I became that everything would go wrong in the end.  I did start to have a few health problems at the end of my pregnancy that renewed my fears.  My mind raced, and even though I knew if everything were to go terribly wrong I would make it with the help of the Lord; the fact remained that delivering and burying a full-term infant would be much different than delivering and burying a 16 week old baby!  Holding two babies that literally fit in the palm of your hand is not something you ever forget.  It has a way of getting into your soul and mind and never, ever leaving!  That being said; I never fully believed that I was really going to have a baby.  I stayed emotionally distant from my pregnancy, but that came with consequences.  I spent most of my pregnancy being irritable and snippy to my family.  If you had asked me if I was worried, I would have told you that I really wasn't too worried, but it showed in ways that were beyond my control. 

Fast forward to August 30, 2012....my fears were relieved when I delivered a healthy baby boy and heard his first cries!!  Again, the Lord shows me that He is trustworthy and I am confident I would be able to say that today even if my fears had come true!!!  Beautiful little Allen Christopher has joined our family and we know that we are blessed!!  Praise the Lord!!

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