Wednesday, September 28, 2011

No more fun!!

Over the last week I have realized something:  I am not fun anymore!!  This realization came as the kids and I watched home videos.  We used to spend our days playing games, riding bikes, playing play dough, painting, dancing, and other crafty things.  Now I am the task master:  "clean your room, finish your math, practice your instrument, put your laundry away, pick your shoes up!"  We never seem to take the time to have fun anymore.  Even things that the kids enjoy, like baking, seem to be over taken by me because I'm in a hurry or don't want the mess.  It is time for me to relax and enjoy being with my kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love that we homeschool and I get to spend all day with my children. But I haven't be slowing down enough to take in the moments and really, really enjoy them!  Who cares if they make a mess? It will get cleaned up.  Who cares if we are half way through our curriculum by Christmas?  No one but me sets the schedule.  I know school must get done and instruments must be practiced, but I want them to look back and remember childhood fondly.  I don't want them to remember a harried and hurried mom that didn't take the time to just have fun!!  So, in honor of our new venture to have fun, we made pumpkin cookies last week and I actually let the kids help. I mean really help!!  Tomorrow we are making pumpkin cake pops and pumpkin pie scented play dough. 

On a side note:  Monday night there were six deer in the field next to our house.  It was so cool to be only a few yards away from the beautiful creatures!  Not long after the momma doe spotted us, she started hissing.  We decided it was best to head inside!!  I tried to get some pictures but they didn't turn out very well.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Facials and Ladders

Fall is in full swing at our house.  This time of year feels so busy.  With violin, piano, soccer, Bible study, co-op, art class, and school work there is hardly time for necessary things such as cleaning, dishes, laundry or cooking dinner.  Still we have managed to find time for things that are fun!!  A few weeks ago when we were in Chicago Emma purchased a spa kit with her money.  She has had so much fun making soaps and scrubs.  On this particular day she had made a facial mask and Isaiah was trying to help her.  Emma could only stand having it on her face for about 2 minutes before she ran off to the shower to wash it off!!
I couldn't resist putting this picture on here.  Ryan will probably kill me!!  Apparently he didn't have a ladder long enough to get to the roof.  My baby is a redneck at heart!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sorrow and Love Flow Mingled Down

Just trying to start this post has my heart beating out of my chest.  Never before in my life have I had to reconcile two feelings that were so opposite from each other.  The next three days are full of such love and sorrow.  Let's start with the feeling of love!! Tomorrow my first born will be 10 years old.  I almost can't believe it.  It seems like yesterday he was just a baby.  When I look at him now I see a young man that is smart, kind (most of the time), and sensitive to the Lord.  He is inquisitive and loves to laugh; he has his dad's sense of humor!!  The joy that he has brought to me and so many others is boundless.  I praise the Lord everyday for the gift of Isaiah.
Our first family picture!!

 Now to the sorrow.  Tomorrow also is another anniversary of sorts.  One year ago tomorrow I found out that my second son (fourth child) was no longer alive.  I went in for my 16 week check-up and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat.  She assured me that everything was fine but sent me to have an ultrasound just to make sure.  My worse fears were realized when the ultrasound tech put the wand on my swollen belly.  There was no movement; nothing!!  I was all by myself at the doctor that day; seeing that this was my fourth pregnancy and everything had always been fine before.  They lead me back to a storage room where I could call Ryan in private.  I still hadn't really cried up to that point, but it's kind of hard to call your husband and say, "the baby has no heartbeat."  I drove home in silence.  I was sort of dreading seeing anyone else; I wasn't really prepared to deal with other peoples reactions yet.  When I got home the whole family was there waiting.  We had a party planned that night for Isaiah's birthday, so we decided to go ahead with the plan.  We were also supposed to leave for a beach vacation on Friday and this was Wednesday. 
After the party we put Olivia to bed and headed to the hospital for an induction ( the baby was too big for a D&C).  Within an hour of arriving at the hospital my small group was there along with the worship leader at our church.  We spent the next several hours laughing so hard and loud that I thought the hospital might kick us out.  Laughter was just what we needed!!
The induction took longer than we expected and Andrew David was delivered on Thursday night, September 9, 2010.  I left the hospital at 10am on Friday morning, went home and packed up the whole family (with the help of my mom and mother in law) and we set off for Hilton Head.  I do believe that I cried the whole way there.  Listening to praise music helped to start the healing process. 
Fast forward a few months and joy comes again!! On January 1, 2011, I found out I was pregnant again!  I couldn't have been happier.  I would be due on September 10th, just two days after Isaiah's birthday and the day after Andrew had been born.  But it wasn't long until sorrow came again.  Again, at 16 weeks, on March 28, 2011, I head into the doctor for a regular check-up.  This time Ryan came with me because of what happened last time.  We were in shock when the ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly and just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry. I think it's a girl"  The nightmare was repeating!!  My doctor couldn't believe it.  The nurse came in and just held me, crying!!  I was sent immediately for an amnio and other tests to see why this was happening again.   Since we weren't leaving on vacation we had a little time to plan the induction of this baby.  I went in on the night of March 30th and Abigail Grace was delivered on March 31, 2011. 
I have to say, as sad as this all is, it is amazing to see how perfectly God forms us in such a short period of time!!  Daily I must tell Him that I trust His plan; that I know He has my best interest at heart.  That is not easy to do.  I really, really want to have more children, and waiting is the hardest part.  My heart aches for my babies that I never got to raise.  Still I am thankful for what He has given me; three beautiful children to love here on earth and two precious babies waiting for me in heaven!!  My prayer for today is to count my blessings and pray that I will rest content in the plan God has for me, even though I do pray that plan includes more children!!

(Just a side note:  The song "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" has been playing over and over again in my mind for the past several weeks as I contemplated this post.  We sang it at church this past Sunday and I felt so loved and noticed by God.  I love it when He does things like that!!)

Sunday, September 4, 2011


On Friday night Isaiah had a birthday sleepover.  It was very short notice, but it all worked out!!  He decided he wanted to do "make your own" pizza.  All the kids seemed to enjoy making and eating it!!
After that they ate pumpkin cake (Isaiah's request)

So much sugar was consumed on this overnight!!  Pizza, soda, candy, and cinnamon rolls for breakfast! 
The rest of the night was filled with beyblade tournaments, video games, rock band, football, basketball, and make-overs (for the girls)!!  We really had a wonderful time!  The kids were all so polite, thankful, and kind to one another.

The next morning they all enjoyed the cinnamon rolls and then we took rides on the Rhino through the field next to our house!!  Everyone was really tired, but had a great time!!  Hopefully it is a birthday celebration that Isaiah won't forget!!